Some jokes are funny. Others ... not so much.
"Tiger On The Table!"
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle
spread all over the table.
He looks at the mess for a second, then looks at the box.
Turning to her he says, "First of all, no matter what we do,
we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces
into anything resembling a tiger.
I suggest we have a cup of coffee
and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
"The Farmer's Wife"
While going thru his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered
3 soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash.
The farmer confronted his wife and when asked about the curious items,
she confessed: "Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you,
but when I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself
of my indiscretion." she explained.
The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either,
and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments
of weakness in his wife.
"I'm curious though," he said, "Where did that $30 come from?"
"Oh, that?" his wife replied,
"Well, when soybeans hit $10 a bushel, I sold out!"
"The Distinguished Gentleman"
A distinguished-looking man entered a Geneva bank
and inquired about taking out a loan for 1000 Swiss francs.
"What security can you offer?" the banker asked.
"My Rolls-Royce is parked out front," he said,
"I will be away for a few weeks. Here are the keys."
A month later, the man returned to the bank
and paid off the loan, 1,017 francs with interest.
"Pardon me for asking," the banker said, "but why a
one thousand franc loan for a man of your obvious means?"
"Very simple!" he replied, "Where else can you store a
Rolls for a month for seventeen francs?!"
A grasshopper walks in to a bar one day and the bartender says,
"Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper replies, "What. You have a drink named Henry?"
"To Work Out Or Not To Work Out"
It is well documented that for every minute you exercise,
you add a minute to your life.
This enables you at 85 years of age,
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $5000 per month!
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where in the world she is!
The only reason I would take up exercising
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year and spent about 400 bucks.
I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
I have to exercise early in the morning
before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks ...
especially when they are taken by people who annoy me!
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass!
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